One of the things I hate most about depression is the fact that I feel like I am living inside a foggy bubble that I can not seem to break out of.

Let me explain myself a little more.

I remember the very first time I realized I had depression the feeling of isolation was one of the main reasons I recognized something was not right with me.

I felt as though I could be surrounded by people but I was completely out of touch or out of reach with them. Sure I could put on a happy face and pretend like I was involved and immersed in what was going on around me, but the reality was that I was trapped inside a world that felt like I was constantly and entirely alone.

Multiple times in that first couple of years of my depression I would literally find myself looking out a window in my house and watching my children or family outside having fun. In reality, all I would have had to do to join them was walk to the door, open it, and be with them.

But mentally it felt like their world was miles away from mine, and that I would never be able to feel connected to them or feel the happiness they were experiencing again.

The constant feeling of being disconnected with everyone around me weighed heavily on me and I found myself purposefully alienating myself from the people I love.

Alienation

Alienation is a very prevalent symptom of depression and anxiety. You can see it in a teen who used to love being around family and friends all the time to now only wanting to be by themselves in their bedrooms for hours on end.

You can see it in a mother who loves her children more than life itself, but who is constantly trying to find ways to find alone time without them.

You can see it in a father who keeps himself away from his family by overworking or rejecting invitations from his good friends he used to love being around.

It can happen in a lot more ways then I listed, but alienation and depression go hand in hand. Ironically alienation is the exact opposite of what the anxious or depressed really need to better cope or even heal.

We NEED each other

As human beings, we were created to be social creatures. We need human interaction almost constantly. This doesn’t mean that we need to be constantly surrounded by a million people or that we should never indulge in a much needed alone time. (for mothers that is usually found with the door locked sitting on the toilet).

What it does mean is that we need to be consistently involved with people around us and we need to feel some sort of connection with them to feel loved and validated.

There is a reason we weren’t dropped off out of the sky by ourselves in the middle of nowhere at birth. We were all born into some sort of family (even those who were adopted at birth or sent home with foster parents). We were meant to be around each other for multiple reasons. We need the love and life that comes from other human beings just like us.

How can we break the foggy bubble?

So how do we do this then? How do we make it so we actually feel connected to people when we are around them?

Honestly, I am still figuring this out daily as I try new tactics to break free. However, there are some tried and true methods that have seemed to help a little that I will share with you now.

4 Ways to feel more present when you have anxiety or depression

The first one is a part of the things I mention in the HIGH FIVE METHOD for boosting your mood while coping with depression.

1. Disconnect to reconnect, put your phone down! It is so easy to alienate ourselves from everyone around us this day in age. We have phones that can virtually take us anywhere we want to escape to. If it is to online stores to shop or blogs like this one. No matter what we are doing on our phones we usually are not fully immersed in what is actually physically going on around us.

It drives me crazy to see someone in a conversation with someone else and either one of them or both of them have their heads facing down at their phones. (and yes occasionally I am guilty of this too).

Try dropping it, put it down next time you are around people. Or even next time you feel that intense need to escape and you reach for it, think a little bit harder and do the opposite. Set your phone down and make real-life eye contact with someone else in the room.

Talk to them,

be with them.

Listen to all the words that are being said. Try to focus on any details that they are saying or questions you might ask them in the same conversation.

If you are with your children, believe me, they notice when you are not giving them your “real” attention. Just 2 days ago my oldest daughter said to me while I was on the phone with my sister, “Mom you are always on your PHONE!” and she didn’t say it in a nice way either.

It is ok to use modern technology obviously, but set a specific time each day and put it all away. Set it all aside and just BE with the people who are right next to you.

Which leads me to #2…

2. Make regular eye contact with people.

I had a full conversation with some visitors that I had in my home for dinner last night and it wasn’t until about 10 minutes after they arrived, I looked up and made direct eye contact with them. When I finally did this we connected and it was if a shock was sent to my brain saying, “Sara, slow down! and make eye contact with them so they know you are actually here and want to be with them”. So then I did, I started making eye contact and our conversations were so much more sincere and in-depth.

Especially as a mother, I feel like I can rush around the house and put out orders to do this or to do that, and rarely do I find myself taking the time to slow down and make real-life Eye contact with my Children or my Husband. When I do, I feel so much more present and aware of what is going on around me.

When I look into the eyes of other people it clears a little bit of that fog away on the bubble I am trapped in, and it feels SO GOOD! Try IT!

3. Take time to meditate, or pray

This one seems a little contradictory because when we meditate or pray we are usually alone, and that is ok. Some alone time in the morning can, in reality, make it so we can think more presently later in the day.

When we meditate (which is just a fancy word for taking time to think) we can visualize and internalize where we are in our bodies and in our minds. We can better analyze and differentiate reality from our sometimes crazy unreal thoughts.

If you want to get an app on your phone there are all sorts of them that help talk you through a meditation. Just google meditation apps and a ton will show up.

Take the time to breathe deeply and really be present with your body. I know it sounds very Vudu but it really works and you should try it!

Praying does the same thing, it takes us away from our current mind situation and helps us connect to God. He created us, he knows us better than anyone else. Take the time to talk to him. Ask him to help you feel more present in your life.

If we have depression or anxiety we can sometimes feel like our prayers only reach the ceiling, like we are talking to a wall. But try to do it anyway, I promise eventually you will feel and know he is actually listening and he cares.

4. Buy a journal and start writing.

I hate this one because I always feel like there is not enough time in the day to sit and write about it after it is over. As soon as I realized I could voice journal it was a game-changer for me.

I downloaded the Day One App on my phone and I started talking to it anytime I had a thought or experience I wanted to remember. (Hence this blog came to be.)

I could tell it all the bad things that were going on in my mind, I could tell it the funny things my kids would say, I could voice memo the good the bad and the ugly. It has made a world of a difference. Sometimes to feel more present with people you need to write out or get out all the build-up in our minds. Or even writing about the happy times we have experienced can help us feel those present feelings again.

If you do like writing and can find the time to do it. Buy a nice journal, one that inspires you to open it and use it. Write out everything you feel and see if over time you are improving in your thoughts or if they are going more south.

So there you have it!

4 of the ways that have helped me feel more present while I struggle with anxiety and depression.

1. Disconnect to reconnect– put your phone down if even for just an hour.
2. Make regular eye contact with people. Look at those you are around straight in the eyes and have good heartfelt sincere conversations with them.
3. Take time to meditate and pray– Reconnect with yourself and with God and it will help you feel closer to others around you.
4. Buy a journal or download a journal app and start using it.- By writing down or recording what you are feeling and experiencing it will help you clear your mind and be able to feel closer to others around you.

What are some of the ways that have helped you feel more present?