As I have dealt with depression and anxiety in some way or another of what seems to be my entire life, I seem to understand how to point out the signs of depression in myself, my friends, my peers, and in my family.

I wouldn’t say it is second nature to me to know ALL of the signs and symptoms of depression but I would say I have become somewhat of a “self-taught/ self-experienced” expert on the topic.

By no means do I claim to be a therapist a psychologist or even a counselor, but I am a mother, a sister, and a friend to so many who have reached out to me to share their journey as we have struggled side by side with similar symptoms of this NASTY illness.

Over the years I have witnessed the debilitating effects these illnesses have had on some of the most amazing women I have ever met and known.

I have seen it take hostage, confident, hopeful, happy, light-filled women leaving them helpless, hopeless, lost, and feeling nothing but empty and worthless.

It hurts my heart so bad to see the effects of depression and anxiety strip the joy from the lives of so many people I love and care for.

I would admit the majority of people I come into contact with who have suffered from depression and anxiety have been women. Not because women suffer more from these illnesses, but more likely because I am a woman and so I am surrounded by their influence more on a day-to-day basis than I am with men.

Over the recent years, I have known a couple of men who have admittedly told me about how they struggle with depression and anxiety as well but I haven’t really studied much on how men and women generally experience signs and symptoms differently.

After some once again “self-taught experience and research” I am going to fill you in on what I have learned to be

5 of the most commonly overlooked signs of depression in men.

Stereotypically men have been pictured as being,

“tough”, “thick-skinned”, “rigid”, “insensitive”, “strong”, and “fearless”.

I think it is obvious where most of these traits and characteristics received their stereotypes from.

Men, since the beginning of time, have been known to be the “providers” and “protectors” of their families. They have to be invincible to “fight off the world” and be there for the ones they love.

Because of this, we might give little thought that they have any real feelings, that they might have a super soft delicate heart under all that toughness that covers it.

We seem to tell our little boys to “be tough and stop crying like a sissy”.

When they fall we tell them to get up and ignore the tears and hurt and push through.

We want them to be MEN and slay the dragons for us, and because of this, there is no time for them to be sensitive and emotional like we are right?

That’s the women’s job, isn’t it?

hmm… maybe?

Well, while I love myself a “manly man” and there is absolutely nothing wrong with teaching our children (boys and girls) to be strong & resilient, I also recognize that they are just as vulnerable to life, and physical and mental ailments as we are, as they should be.

What about that scripture in the Bible that says, ” And Jesus wept”.

I think there is a reason it was written down, Emotion, feelings, and all that mushy stuff is part of being human, man or woman.

Because we often can push away the fact that men do have emotions and illnesses mentally just like women, and because men can be wired a little differently than women a diagnosis of depression can oftentimes be overlooked as an illness in men.

While men and women can experience many of the same symptoms of depression such as

Sadness, hopelessness, tiredness, and lack of finding enjoyment in things they used to enjoy. Some symptoms seem to creep up more specifically in men.

#1 A N G E R, or irritability

Now it’s normal for all of us to experience anger in life. When things don’t go our way, when we get stuck in a huge traffic jam, or when we burn that stupid bag of microwave popcorn for the fifth time in a row we can get ticked off!

However, when anger seems to be the most common emotion you are feeling and perhaps expressing more times than not…it might be time to evaluate a little closer.

When you get mad that the weather is a degree off from what the weatherman predicted, when you yell more than you talk and when you seem to get agitated at EVERYONE and EVERYTHING around you it might be a sign that you or your man is experiencing depression.

#2 Constantly wanting to escape

Maybe you normally love to play sports or work at your full-time job, or exercise… that’s great! It’s so good to have work and hobbies that you love and enjoy, that is what life is all about right?

But if those hobbies are all-consuming all the time and you can tell that you can never get enough of them, or when you can feel that you are using your work and hobbies to escape your reality this can be an evitable sign and symptom of depression.

#3 Being overly controlling

The effects of depression on the mind and body can leave anyone feeling out of control and helpless. In order to combat this doing the opposite, and trying to have control over every aspect of everyone’s lives can become what you do regularly. When you feel like you are responsible for the actions, thoughts, and feelings of everyone around you including yourself, once again this could be a symptom of depression.

#4 Reckless behavior

Maybe you have always liked to live on the wild side. You love adventure, and you are fun-loving. These qualities can make for a very fulfilling and happy lifestyle. But if you notice you become reckless and your adventures are continuing to get more and more extreme, you feel like there is no reason to hold back or you take huge risks with everything once again… could be a sign of depression.

#5 Alienation

Maybe you have always been a family guy or loved to be with your friends or co-workers. You used to find excuses to hang out with new people or get together with loved ones, and now you feel like you want to avoid anyone and everyone you love and know at all costs.

You would rather always be by yourself. Or instead of finding commonalities with others, you seem to always find the differences…. yep could be you are depressed.

SO NOW WHAT????

So now that you know some of the not-so-common signs of depression in men what can you do to help yourself (if your the man) or to help the men in your life get the help and coping tools they need to thrive through it?

You are LOVED! You are NEEDED

Most importantly let them know they are loved and needed. Men (and women) need to know and feel that no matter what they are going through in life. Knowing that they are important to you might just be the first point of healing they need.

Seek professional medical attention

Help them get help. Since we are not medically trained to diagnose each other, (or at least I’m not,) seek professional medical help. Reach out to your family doctor, or find a trained therapist or counselor. If you are too scared for that in the beginning reach out to a friend and talk to them about the way you have been feeling.

Like I mentioned above it can be harder for men to express what or how they are feeling, especially if they aren’t used to talking about their own emotions.

Let them know you are there to just listen and don’t be a critic, just LISTEN! Sometimes that is all you/they needed.

Help them understand that depression is not a weakness it is an illness!

I can’t say this enough times…

DEPRESSION IS NOT A WEAKNESS!!!!!!!

If they had the flu they would get rest and if needed they would seek appropriate medical attention, depression is NO different. Get help, get medication, get therapy if needed.

Keep in mind that many of these symptoms listed above could also be from something other than depression, that is why it is so important to get the proper help when needed until we find the solutions that can help alleviate the symptoms.

We are all in this together.

Look out for those you love and associate with for these uncommon signs of depression. Sadly the suicide rate for men is significantly higher than it is for women.

Men seem to be better at hiding their depressive struggles and they follow through with suicide more often than women do.

Man or woman, we are all BELOVED children of an almighty God. HE LOVES US! HE LOVES YOU! He wants us to experience joy here on earth. It’s normal and necessary to have trials and hardships but it is not His plan for us to feel hopeless and dark the majority of our days on this journey.

Hope, light, and love still exist even if you don’t feel they do. I promise you if you have lost these good things in your life right now… HOLD ON they will eventually return.

xoxo

Sara