I HATE YELLING IN ALL FORMS!!!

I hate when I am at the store and I hear a frustrated mother yelling at her exhausted toddler.

I hate yelling at my kids for any reason!!!

I hate when my kids fight and yell at each other.

I hate other people yelling at their kids.

Yelling makes me sad it makes me mad,

I JUST HATE ALL OF IT!

Do I YELL then?…

YES, Yes, I SURE DO!

Now that being said I personally, yell at my kids on a regular basis it seems these days.

I DO NOT enjoy it at ALL.

1. Why is it that no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to calm myself down?
2. Why can’t I slow down and calm down before I open my mouth and react abruptly?

THIS MORNING

I woke up this morning and I said to myself today I am not going to yell at my kids And let me tell you I did really well for the first couple of hours, minutes, ok ok I mean seconds.

Let’s back up a minute,

The reason I woke up in the first place was that I heard yelling from the living room downstairs (which just so happens to be right underneath my bedroom). I rolled quickly out of bed and marched downstairs and before I could even say good morning I yelled at the top of my lungs, (to try to out yell them)

“STOP FIGHTING!”

THE PERFECT DAY

In my head, I had envisioned a whole different way of starting the day. I was planning to get up at 6 and go to the gym, and since it was a holiday today I would have time to workout and be back home before the kids would even be out of bed. After the gym, I was going to jump in the shower and then after that fix everyone a healthy yummy breakfast.

Sounds doable right? … well, I guess for some yes that would have worked out just fine. But it DID NOT WORK LIKE THAT FOR ME THIS MORNING AT ALL!

Reality…

Instead…

I slept through my alarm,

woke up too early to pounding rain outside my window,

remembered the kids were outside sleeping on the trampoline, went and made sure they had gotten in ok before getting soaking wet, then realizing I wasn’t gonna make it to the gym in the crazy rain storm I crawled back in bed and went right back to sleep…

Meanwhile, downstairs all the kids had been awake for who knows how long and so they decide to fight over whose turn it was to pick the next show on tv.

I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON!

Ask my husband, I’m pretty sure he would gladly tell you not to bother me in the morning unless you want to get your head bit right off. HA! Well, that is a little exaggerated but not by much.

It takes me forever to wake up, and when I do finally wake up I don’t want to talk to anyone for a solid hour until the fog of sleep has left me.

What makes me even more frustrated is to wake up to yelling and fighting.

So instead of getting out of bed saying my prayer and making my bed before I leave the room for the first time I quickly rushed out of my room not doing any of the things I normally do and I ran down the stairs yelling at them to stop yelling and fighting.

I was hoping…

I was hoping to do it peacefully, like a normal civilized adult… instead, I did it like a crazy lady who sounded like my house was on fire and there was an immediate catastrophic emergency to deal with.

I realize I do have 5 kids and let’s be honest yelling comes a little bit with the territory.

I also realize that ever since I started having symptoms of depression, I started to become irritable really quickly which then resulted in me yelling a lot more than I had ever before.

The scary part is that when I get upset it is so instant I usually don’t have time to think before I open my big mouth and say something stupid.

All of this craziness led my curiosity…

I started asking other women who had depression if they were getting upset more easily too,

the weird thing is they all said YES.

Who Would have thought?…

Immediately I went to my computer and did some research. Was irritability an actual symptom of depression?

You’ll never believe what I found… it is, it actually is.

If you find that you are going from 0 to 60 REALLY QUICKLY maybe its time you think about why you might be doing that.

Do you suffer from anxiety and depression too?

One of the articles that talks about anger and depression points out that many people who experience depression have problems controlling their anger. Here is the article it is really interesting if you want to take a look.

Now even though it might be a symptom of depression and anxiety, it doesn’t make it justifiable enough for us to allow ourselves not to try to stop doing it to our children, or other people who we love. (you can still yell at the random car who cuts us off on the highway if that makes you feel better).

They deserve better than that. Yelling brings contention and if there is already contention it adds to the contention even more.

You can’t put out a fire by adding gasoline! (I have been known to say this to my children when they are fighting and trying to out yell the other.)

It makes a lot of sense

It really makes a lot of sense that anger would be one of the symptoms of depression.

Feelings of hopelessness and sadness all day long can be really taxing on our minds.

Unconsciously we are upset about it which leads us to harshly lash out quickly with others around us.

When we are depressed every little noise can be magnified. The children we used to love being around and hearing their sweet giggles, turn into painstaking noise that is piercing to our ears and minds. Which then can make us even more uptight and irritated.

Rationally we know that we are getting upset for mostly really ridiculous reasons, but just because we know it doesn’t make it an easier thing to control.

Maybe it’s your medication

Come to find out some medications can help with your depression and anxiety but they can also make you more irritable.

Right now I am taking Wellbutrin AKA Buproprion and a common side effect of it can be increased irritability.

Maybe this could be what is happening to you too if you are seeing an increase in your frustrations.

BREATHE, DISTRACT, & WHISPER

Below are some ways that have worked for me sometimes to help me not to yell and freak out when that’s all I feel like doing.

1. Stop and breath~everyone knows the advice of stop and count to 10 before you react to a situation in anger. Well, come to find out it actually does really help.Try this, do a quick breathing technique 7-4-4 breathing is great. Inhale for 7 seconds hold it for 4 seconds and then exhale for 4 more seconds, do this 3 times. Then readdress the crazy situation and see if it helped you calm down.
2. Distract yourself~ immediately, Remove yourself completely from the room or place that is making you so mad. When you go to the other room do 10 jumping Jax and then see how you feel. After that go back and see if you are more relaxed.
3. Try whispering~ sounds crazy right? I love this one because it throws everyone involved through a loop because they all stop and just look at you like what is wrong. Just whisper and it automatically will calm the whole room or environment down and then when you have everyone’s attention you can start talking with a normal tone of voice.

I ended up lowering my dose to see if that would help at all and it has.

Don’t give up!

I’m not giving up quite yet… I’m going to keep trying day after day to calm myself down before I YELL!

What tips or tricks do you use when you want to calm yourself down when you are easily upset or irritated?

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Thank you!