The yearly truth about Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD (and what I hope it will look like for me this winter.)

This time of year here in central Pennsylvania is beautiful!

The trees are at their peak of fall beauty.

Saturated jaw-dropping colors of bright yellows, oranges, dark purples to fluorescent reds light up the tree-covered skyline.

The vast rolling fields of corn stalks have changed from bright green to a natural dried muted brown.

Every passing farmer’s market is bursting to the brim with the most beautiful unique pumpkins of all sizes and varieties.

Lawns of lush green grass are found covered in an array of fallen leaves from the trees above.

Yards are seen with an abundance of red, yellow, orange, and even purple chrysanthemums and lingering bushes of marigolds. There are occasional bright-colored dahlias bursting with a rare beauty that seems to not want to give up the fight before winter creeps in.

The sky overhead is a bright clear blue with traces of small wispy clouds.

The weather is mild, with a hint of crispness, reminding all of us that cooler shorter days are quickly approaching.

Who doesn’t love it?

I’ve always been a huge fan of Fall, and I’m not really aware of anyone who would say they don’t fully enjoy it as much as I do.

These beautiful autumn days are what dreams are made of, and I would be completely content if they stayed around until fall officially ends in late December (or better yet, till the spring)

Sadly the peak of beautiful weather and scenery seems to last no longer than a short month or so before winter comes in, abruptly crashing the party.

Each year at this time I relentlessly find myself looking forward to being able to buy pumpkins and to putting on a hoodie to wear in the mornings and evenings.

I love the sound of the leaves crunching under my feet as I walk across the yard.

A morning run is so much more pleasant when I return not fully dripping in sweat but I am just warm enough to realize I still exerted myself and got some needed exercise.

Snuggling up on the couch in a cozy blanket next to my kids while I read to them their library books about Halloween and pumpkin carving are cherished moments.

Yet among all the happy scenery and memories that the fall brings to me at this time, it never ceases to also bring with it some unwanted “falling” thoughts.

I immediately start to notice that my mind wanders to the negative… the thought of the future winter months ahead is daunting and bleak.

I start to think about how sad it is that the woods behind our house will soon be covered in nothing but leaf barren trees.

The flowers I love to collect and arrange from my yard will too soon be gone and replaced with dead plants that need to be trimmed and cleaned up.

The crisp fall air will quickly and abruptly turn into below-freezing temperatures that will leave ice and snow, covering every empty outdoor space available.

These beautiful blue skies will turn to a dull miserable grey.

I will be cold.

I will be cold.

I will be SO cold.

SAD

Seasonal Affective Disorder also is known as SAD is a real thing. It’s no joke that people get SAD During the colder months of the year. It can cause a depressed mood. People can feel hopeless, lethargic, and unmotivated to do normal day to day things they once enjoyed. In people who already suffer from depression, it can cause it to be more intensified making their symptoms worse.

Like depression, SAD is not a choice for people who suffer from it choose consciously. That being said there are coping mechanisms to use to make the effects of SAD more bearable.

SAD affects more than 3 million people a year and it’s most common in areas where there is a drastic reduction of sunlight because of the change of seasons.

The Mayo Clinic says, “A drop in serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that affects mood, might play a role in SAD. Reduced sunlight can cause a drop in serotonin that may trigger depression”.

It usually starts to creep in right about this time when the days start to get shorter, colder, and darker.

It can affect men, women, and children but is usually seen to affect more women than men.

I feel like this year, (maybe because of the mandatory slowdown Covid has naturally provided for us, or maybe for some other reason) I have taken more thought to notice the onset signs of SAD creeping in on my thoughts and taking almost what seems as tangible space in my mind and heart.

I feel it allows itself to settle in and make itself at home once again as it has almost automatically and thoughtlessly done for the past 11 years or so.

Unlike previous years, this time I am trying not to let it get comfortable in my thought process.

This year feels different.

I don’t want to take comfort in the fact that I hate winter and just “suffer” through it once again because I have no other option.

This year I am trying to challenge it, and let it know it is not welcome here with me.

I can NOT change the weather, or the color of the sky, or how I only get such few hours of the bright sun through my dining room double door windows.

I can’t change the fact that all the flowers are dormant for a season and I can’t change that the leaves are gone from the treetops and are composting naturally on the ground below.

Something I can do is decide to make the most of each individual winter day ONE MOMENT AT A TIME.

I can try to redirect my thoughts from “falling” to “flowering”, and who knows maybe I’ll look back on winter with joy instead of my usual disgust.

I’m fully expecting to take this task and break it down into small bite-sized pieces as it approaches me.

Maybe give me some extra grace, and not be so hard on myself just in case I don’t quite enjoy the winter like I had planned on.

What winter might look like to me this year…

Maybe some days look like staying in my baggy sweatpants and comfy hoodie all day long.

Maybe some days look like spending my time strolling up and down the aisles of Target just to look at things I don’t need, to keep my mind off of the cold weather outside.

Maybe this winter looks like short weekend trips spent with my family exploring new places we have not yet discovered together.

Maybe it means dreaming of spring and drawing out pictures of what my dream garden would look like.

Maybe it looks like me laying on the floor at 12:00 noon with my 5-year-old snuggled up with me, soaking in the suns direct warm rays coming through the windows in the back of my house.

Maybe it looks like eating too many Christmas cookies or Valentine’s Day chocolates that are completely unhealthy but taste so darn comforting.

Maybe it looks like I spend hours on the phone catching up with friends or family I haven’t connected with in way too long.

Maybe it looks like I try a hundred new recipes I found on Pinterest that had mouth-watering pictures with them good enough to eat.

Maybe it looks like binge-watching Hallmark love story movies where I can predict the ending by watching the first 10 minutes.

Maybe it looks like getting creative and doing some winter crafts with the kids or spending some time playing and building forts with them.

Maybe it looks like taking long hot baths or taking naps in front of the woodstove stocked to the brim and blazing with fire.

Maybe it looks like writing rough draft pages for the book I have been dreaming of writing for my whole life.

Maybe I’ll decide to relish in the uncomfortable feelings winter brings to me instead of looking at them with expected dread, and make new winter traditions and memories this year.

Honestly, winters are REALLY REALLY hard for me. I already suffer from depression and anxiety and winter seems to put an additional major almost unbearable stress on top of all of that. For me, winter is usually filled with sadness, anxiousness, and darkness.

Feelings of being trapped, isolated, and always cold seem to take hold of my every thought during the long winter months.

I fully recognize my decision to challenge SAD is not an easy task at hand.

But I am not giving in this year,

One moment at a time, I am not giving in.

Have you ever experienced SAD?

What are some things you do to not just cope but actually live and thrive through winter?