It sounds ridiculous that you would actually need to be reading this right?

Why would there be any question as to how to show love to your own children?

Believe it or not, it is harder than you would think. If you suffer from depression and/or anxiety and have kids, you already know the struggle can be real.

I talk a little bit about it in one of my Diary entries here. (Maybe that will give you a glimpse of a specific scenario.)

There is no doubt we love our children deeply, but when we are struggling with mental illness it can be hard to know how to show them the love we feel they really need.

In fact, I have felt before when I am in the depths of depression that my children might be better off without me, that they need someone who isn’t so sad all the time.

The first time I felt this way I explained to my husband how I was feeling and he stopped my thought process dead in its tracks. He quickly and sincerely told me that the way I was thinking was a lie and that my kids needed me and only me as their mother. His words brought peace to my troubled soul, and I knew he was entirely right.

Since then when I have the thought that my kids would thrive better with a different mother I automatically push it far out of my mind, I tell myself it is a lie and I move on.

It Really IS A LIE!

A BIG FAT LIE!

Your children need you and ONLY YOU as their parent. You were blessed with them because God knew YOU would be the best person to raise those specific children of His.

So when we are feeling awful and want to show our love to the children we were so blessed to have in our families,

HOW DO WE DO IT?

The answer

This isn’t going to be a very long post because the reality of it is that we do the very best we can in every moment we have with them.

Its a simple answer to a complex feeling question.

I will explain…

As long as we are trying our best to show our kids we love them in our own personal ways then we are doing just fine.

I think we forget how resilient kids are. They only know the world that continually surrounds them. They don’t have the same perspective as we do because they haven’t left the nest yet and discovered what life could or would be like if they were in a different place with a different family, and that is exactly the way it is supposed to be.

Their love for us is just as loyal as our love for them.

Even if the occasional “I hate you mom!” flies out of their mouths it’s not because they really hate us, its because they are reacting to a feeling they don’t completely understand. Usually, if our kids say something to that affect it can be followed with “Mom you are the best”. (It’s kinda a rollercoaster).

Teenagers might be a little more harsh and persistent in their cutting words or actions but try not to take what they say or even what they do too personally that it causes you to internalize their criticism. If you are doing your part, which is to provide food, shelter, and love to them (notice I didn’t say a new I phone, a fancy car, or a name brand pair of jeans) then those tantrums with eventually subside and deep down they will continue to know that they are secure in the love you have for them.

Children need to feel accepted for who they are and loved for it. The same way you do!

Showing love at moments, days, weeks, years, (whatever is the time frame of your personal struggle with depression is), in those times our kids can usually feel something is off with us, and that is ok. We are human, we have an illness, its not our fault!

At these times show them love any way you know-how.

Maybe on that day, it is sitting by them while they watch their favorite cartoon. or

Giving them a huge long hug in the morning when they first wake up, asking how their night was.

Tell them you missed them so much while they were at school that day.

Leave a sweet note on their pillows or in their lunch box. (teens love this one;)

If you are able, sit with them at night on their beds for 5 minutes and let them tell you about their day.

Help them clean their rooms without criticizing them for how awfully messy it is.

Go for a quick walk to the mailbox with them and hold their hand or put your arm around their shoulders.

Ask them what the worst part of their day was and just listen don’t try to fix it.

Make dinner with them, or let them choose what the menu will be that week and sit and plan it out with them.

If it is too hard to do any of the things listed above think of 1 of your own ideas and do it.

Realize with parenting and loving your child (or children) they are all individuals and they need you just the way you are.

If you still have a hard time recognizing and knowing that they love you for who you are in this very moment of struggle try reversing the scenario in your head. Ask yourself, “If my child was suffering from depression or anxiety and I wasn’t, how would I treat them?”. When you think of it from that perspective you realize you would LOVE them perfectly and do anything possible to help them, and you would expect them to only take on what they could handle.

Your children feel the same way about you!

Even though our children usually don’t understand the depths of what we are going through they love us anyway. They will accept any form of love we have to show them.

So there you have it. The best way to show love to your children while you are suffering from depression and anxiety is to be yourself and love them any way you feel capable of doing so.

Don’t give up, take it a day at a time.

A great book to read if you need more ideas on how to find out what specific love language your child has is The Five Love Languages of Children, or they have one for teens too. If you go here, there is a quick quiz they can take to find out what their love language is.

Remember you are doing great! Better than you think you are. Your children LOVE YOU and they NEED YOU!

Keep up the great work!

What are some ways you personally show love to your children?