Parents Edition

PUT IT DOWN!

“DISCONNECT TO RECONNECT”

If you haven’t read my other posts on the High Five Method of ways to instantly boost your mood while coping with depression read it here. After you read that one, here is the post about the Thumb and here is the post about the index finger.

Ok, now that we have you all caught up let’s get to the purpose of the middle finger. We all recognize that we never want to stick the middle finger up at someone purposefully to be vulgar, or as a way to show that we are upset with them. So the way that we are going to remember the middle finger is by saying to ourselves PUT IT DOWN!

The PUT IT DOWN is for your cell phone, PUT YOUR CELL PHONE DOWN. (But wait, not yet because you need to finish reading the rest of this first 🙂

Why do we need to put our cell phones down when we are dealing with depression and anxiety, or even just having a gloomy day? Aren’t cell phones a great way to escape the way we are feeling inside and can kind of help us distract ourselves? Cell phones are also the way we stay connected to the people we are not physically with. SO why then would I have you put them down?

At times I wonder if over the last decade our cell phones have become an extension of our own body. In fact, I would dare to say that the majority of people may regard them as the most important extension of our bodies.

Think about it.

How long throughout the day does your cell phone leave your hand or leave your side? Do you take it to the bathroom with you? Do you bring it to your bedroom or even fall asleep with it in your hands? If it stops working how long is it before you are frantically getting it fixed? If the battery runs low do you desperately find a way to charge it? Have you ever given someone else a hard time for NOT answering your phone call and or text within hours or even minutes of trying to contact them? When was the last time you left your phone at home while you went grocery shopping? When did you last pick up a physical book instead of reading something off of your phone? How many times have you searched on google or asked Siri for the answer to a question or problem you’ve had? What is the first thing you reach for in the morning when you wake up?

You get my point, right?

Phones can be an enormous blessing in our lives. A tool to connect us with the world. We can literally access almost anything from them instantly.

Remember When?

I remember sitting in a computer class in high school waiting patiently for the dial-up internet to connect. I could hear the connection being made. While I waited I talked to the people around me and I thought to myself “will this always take this long to get connected?” Little did I know back then, that in the short years to follow I would be holding a computer in my own hands or carrying it around in my purse, and it would only take me about 2 seconds to connect to almost anything I would want access to, in the whole world.

These days, If I want to talk to someone in Australia I can. If I want to buy a new outfit, within a few minutes it can be on its way in the mail to my house. With my phone, I can track where my package is in the delivery process. With a watch that is connected to my phone, I can watch my heart rate go up and down, and even see how many times I should be standing in a day. People have met their spouses through an app on their phones. They can even receive a college degree. These examples are just teeny glimpses of what we all know we can do with our phones.

All of these technological advancements have their major advantages but with every advancement made by man can come its downfalls just the same.

Now let’s get something straight. I am not going to sit here and blame all of life’s problems on this rectangular object I am typing on. But I think it is safe to say it would do ALL of us a lot of good to put our phones down more times than not.

Several months ago I was preparing to speak to a group of teenagers and youth ages 11 to 18. I was in the midst of a very low point with my depression and anxiety. I only had a couple of days left until I was scheduled to speak to them. I remember walking up to my bedroom, to take time to prepare with my phone in hand. I quickly said a prayer in my heart, as I got to the top of the stairs outside my bedroom door. I prayed, “Heavenly Father, why can’t I feel connected to you? I need your help to know what these youth need to hear, I feel so low right now, how am I supposed to teach them anything at all?”. Within half a second His answer came loud and clear to my mind

“DISCONNECT TO RECONNECT,” he said.

“Put your phone down and talk to me.”

I think I literally dropped my phone on the ground walked into my bedroom and said a prayer of gratitude. I also asked him to forgive me for losing sight of the most important connection I have with anyone, my connection to Him. In the next couple of days following that prayer as I focused on not using my phone as much as usual, and really, sincerely communicating with Him, I received some incredible insights for those special youth and for me that have helped me cope every day since.

So now I am offering you this same challenge, to

DISCONNECT to RECONNECT.

Disconnect yourself from your phone to reconnect to your Heavenly Father. (& to reconnect to the people who are physically around you.)

He wants to hear from you, he wants to help you. He wants to be there for you in every aspect of your life.

But he will not compete with google or Siri to do it.

He is always there, available 24-7, 365 days a year. His answers are 100% guaranteed to bring eternal results. They may not always be as instantaneous as google but they will always be perfectly true and right.

What more could we ask for?!

Over the last few years, the increase in teen suicide has increased exponentially. It now ranks as the 2nd leading cause of death in young people ages 10 to 24. More teenagers and young adults die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza, and chronic lung disease, COMBINED. (source here)

This information is tragic. This statistic pulls at my heart almost more than any other.

Why is it happening? Why are we as a society not able to get a grasp on these mental illnesses to get these young people the help they need before it’s too late?

With more awareness on the subject of mental health, lives are being saved but even still, not fast enough.

Obviously I don’t have all the answers but as I have researched and talked to hundreds of youth about it, I have concluded that their cell phones are doing more damage than good.

I know, I know, no one, including me wants to hear this. Our children beg they plead they say “ Mom/ Dad I NEED A CELL PHONE! Everyone else has one, how am I supposed to contact you if I need you? Please MOM, or PLEASE DAD or PLEASE GRANDMA!!!! I won’t misuse it, I will be responsible!” To any parents out there, does this sound familiar? (To any teen reading this have you heard those words come out of your own mouth? )

The fact is no matter how hard it is to hear, your child does NOT NEED a cell phone!!

WAIT don’t shut me off just yet!!!

Keep reading!

Please, let me finish!

What is right for your family regarding cell phone use is obviously up to you. But please remember our amazing youth aren’t fully capable at this developmental stage of their lives to fully process all the things they can have full access to on their cell phones (actually us adults aren’t either).

It’s just the way it is. No matter how much they will beg to differ with you.

So if your child has a cell phone give them some help. When you offer them this help they are not going to think it’s very helpful, (and most likely they will give you a whole bunch of crap for it) But that is ok, I have faith in you! You are an amazing adult who loves you’re child or children more than anything!

YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

Here are 5 guidelines to help your child/teen with using their cell phones.

Limit their usage. Set strict guidelines for when they can have access to their phones. Maybe it’s when they are not physically around you that you agree on. Maybe it’s for a certain amount of time in the evening after they get home from school. Whatever it is follow through no matter what kind of grief they give you.

No phones in their rooms. Do NOT allow them to bring their phones into their bedrooms. Think about it for a second. Would you allow them to carry a loaded gun into their rooms? Imagine if they said, “oh mom I’m not gonna play with it I’m just gonna set it on my nightstand and look at it”. Sounds ridiculous right? I know, I know you are calling me crazy for using a loaded gun as a comparison to a cell phone. As weird as it sounds a cell phone in a child’s room can ultimately end up as deadly as a loaded gun on their nightstand.

With their phone, they have access to lots of good, if used appropriately, but they also have the same access to the bad and mentally unhealthy. With curiosity, it can open unwanted doors that can take years to be able to shut again. If they insist they need to use it for homework have them use it in an area of the house where everyone else is around or buy a desktop or laptop for them to use and keep it in a central location in your home.

Monitor the apps they download If you do decide to allow them to have a phone, DO NOT let them download certain apps onto it such as; Snap Chat, Instagram Facebook or other popular social media platforms. If you do allow it, make sure they are only allowed access to it for short periods of time each day.

With parental controls, we have the advantage of monitoring the use of any app they have access to. Use these controls and settings to monitor what apps they can and can not use.

Girls generally have higher rates of depression. The sad fact is that studies have shown that girls who are overly exposed to certain social media platforms are more likely to experience depression than those who don’t. A 2017 study of over half a million eighth through 12th graders found that the number exhibiting high levels of depressive symptoms increased by 33 percent between 2010 and 2015. In the same period, the suicide rate for girls in that age group increased by 65 percent. Read more about this here. Apps like Instagram can seem harmless, but over time they can cause them to consistently compare and mentally compete with everyone else they see. Feelings of “I’m not good enough”, or “I will never amount to anything” can become a prevalent thought that goes through their minds.

Social media apps can alienate them (and us) from the present world we are living in. They can tend to leave them (and us) always wanting more instead of being satisfied and grateful for the abundance of blessings that surround us. To read more info on social media use and it’s the relation to depression check out this page here.

Read through their text messages You might be saying to yourself, “ well so far I am doing all of the things she listed above”, if so, good for you! But are you also keeping tabs on who they are talking to via text, different messengers, or snap chat? As a parent, you can have access to their conversations with others. Doing this can keep them safe from potentially harmful relationships.

Limit the games they can download Grant limited access to games or other addictive activities on their phones. Boys especially have a higher desire to be visually stimulated. They love games! Games are fun but they can become quickly addictive. With anything else, we are responsible for the amount of time they are allowed to play them. Keep it short and then divert them to other wholesome physical activities. Boys especially need to move. Read here Help your kids come up with different Ideas of physical activities to do and do them with them.

All of these precautions are not here because our children are “bad” Kids or because we do not trust them. We should not do these things because we need to control everything in their lives either. It is purely because we want to give them the best possible chance of mental and emotional success now and for the future.

Doing these five things regarding our kid’s cell phone use can help give them the best possible protection, physically and mentally.

I know we live in a society that sometimes sends confusing messages with how we need to listen to what our children want. That if we don’t give them what they want they will somehow be deprived or that they will be left out amongst their peers.

Regardless of the signals society delivers, it is time to take back control of what we know is truly for the best interest of our kid’s physical and mental well being.

We care so much about the physical well being of our kids. We wouldn’t let them ride on a motorcycle without a helmet. If they are on a jet ski we would definitely make sure they are protected by having them wear their life jacket. We don’t allow them to eat candy or Doritos for breakfast lunch and dinner (at least not every day🥴). Wearing a helmet or life jacket, or not allowing them only to eat junk food doesn’t guarantee that they won’t get in an accident or drown, or end up with a physical illness but it does put the odds of protection in their favor.

Isn’t it time to take charge of their emotional and mental health just like we do with their physical health?

The time is now the time is today.

It’s not going to be easy to break out of some of these unhealthy habits we have acquired, but last time I checked nothing in life that is good, and worth fighting for is easy.

Our kids can do hard things but we have to be the ones who motivate and accommodate them to do so.

Remember

These suggestions above aren’t just for our kids they are for all of us!

So go ahead. NOW, YOU can put YOUR own phone down. Drop it and leave it alone for a while you will find it is easier to connect to God and to others around you. You will eventually find how liberating it really is to cut off that added extension to your body. By doing this you are giving yourself and your children a HUGE advantage.

Disconnecting ourselves from our phones allows us to see the present world as it really is. It will help instantly clear some of the brain fog that comes with having a bad day or dealing with depression or anxiety.

How do you feel when you disconnect?